


Breaking the Silence

by Leela



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Femslash, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-25
Updated: 2009-11-25
Packaged: 2017-10-03 17:25:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leela/pseuds/Leela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have you ever wanted something so badly, so terribly that you thought you would die without it?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking the Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 1996. This story won a first time writing challenge on the Xena's Campfire Girls mailing list.

Gabrielle was uncharacteristically quiet that evening. Absorbed in her thoughts, she moved automatically around the campsite, lighting the fire from wood Xena had collected, and laying out their bed rolls nearby.

Without removing her attention from her young companion, Xena rubbed down Argo, fed and watered him, then set him loose. After all these years, she had no fear that the horse would wander away, and it was reassuring to know that she only had to whistle for him in case of danger, rather than tryingto untether him in the dark.

Dinner came and went without the usual accompanying chatter. After so many months of wishing that Gabrielle would occasionally shut up, Xena found the lack of conversation disturbing. Something was definitely wrong. Maybe it had been a mistake to return to Gabrielle's home town, but she had insisted that it was her duty to inform Perdicus' family of their marriage and his subsequent death. Still, everything had seemed to be fine. Gabrielle's family hadn't tried too hard to make her stay, nor had they attempted to persuade her to re-marry. On the contrary, both families had contributed funds to purchase a portable writing case for the young bard. Even this had not encouraged Gabrielle to write down the legends and stories she told so well. Instead, she had withdrawn further and further into herself as they moved away from her home.

A heavy sigh from the other side of the fire drew Xena's attention. Gabrielle sat hunched over, legs drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around her shins, staring at the flames. Shaking her head, Xena settled down on her bed and relaxed. Her mind automatically listened to and catalogued the sounds that disturbed the night. A predator rustling through the underbrush in search of food. An owl soaring the skies, hunting for a mouse or some other tidbit. Water rushing downstream in search of the sea. The wind toying with the leaves and branches of trees. Nothing dangerous. Nothing that she needed to worry about.

The night was cloudless. The full moon hung heavy and low, and the stars shone brightly. Xena had navigated for years by their light, but never taken much notice of the names or the legends behind the constellations until Gabrielle had related them. In fact, until she had met Gabrielle, Xena had not taken very much notice of the comings and goings of the gods at all. Even Ares, whom she putatively worshipped in his guise as god of war, had only received the minimum amount of attention possible from her ... except when he interfered with her life of course. Then she had worked hard and fast to do what he wanted, and prayed that he would find someone or something else to distract him sooner rather than later. Experience had taught her that nothing but trouble arose from interactions with the gods. A lesson that was reinforced by the tales of the constellations. Xena started to count them off in her head: Castor and Pollux, Pegasus ....

A second sigh, louder than the first, followed by Gabrielle clearing her throat, distracted the warrior from her contemplation of the heavens. She narrowed her eyes as she started across the fire at her companion. "A dinar for your thoughts."

"What?" Gabrielle started, almost toppling over in surprise.

"I said, a dinar for your thoughts." Xena frowned. "Although I might be persuaded to offer you more. You seem to have an awful lot of them lately." "Oh. Well... I... I was just thinking."

"I hadn't noticed." Xena said drily, moving to a cross-legged position in a single, graceful twist of her body. "Care to share them."

"It... it's nothing really." Shifting uncomfortably, Gabrielle started wrapping a lock of long, blonde hair around her fingers.

Stifling the urge to go around the fire and run her own fingers through the younger woman's hair, Xena affected nonchalance and began sharpening her sword. The sounds of stone against metal filled the air. After a few minutes, she spoke again, just loud enough to carry over the rhythmic scraping. "Do you miss your family?"

"Yes. Uh, no. Well, sometimes." Gabrielle admitted. "Don't you? Miss yours, I mean."

"Not really."

Xena finished with the stone and wiped the sword down with a scrap of cloth. Now what. Gabrielle obviously needed to talk, but how to start the conversation. It was like trying to find your opponent's weakness in a fight, only Xena had no experience with verbal combat.

"Xena?" The bard's voice was so low that it barely carried over the fire.

"What?"

"N-n-n-nothing." Gabrielle stuttered. Mumbling curses, she rose to her feet. Rummaging sounds came from the pile of supplies. When she re-appeared, on the same side of the fire as Xena, she was holding a wine-bag. She took a long drink, and then offered it to Xena. Studying the bard curiously from beneath long black lashes, Xena accepted the bag. What was going on? Gabrielle almost never drank undiluted wine.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Dropping into an ungainly heap, Gabrielle grabbed back the wine-bag and shook her head. "Not really." After two more drinks, she tried again. "That's not true. Well, it is and it isn't. I mean, I don't really want to talk about it, but I don't seem to have any choice. I just can't keep going this way, you know? It's driving me crazy."

"What is driving you crazy?" Xena kept her eyes on the ground, not wanting to do anything to upset Gabrielle any more than she already was or, even more importantly, to discourage her from talking.

"It's ... oh, gods." Tears started to spill down Gabrielle's cheeks. She raked one hand viciously through her hair, yanking it free of the clip that held it off her face during the day. "Have you ever wanted something so badly, so terribly that you thought you would die without it?"

Reminding herself that now was not a good time to embrace the younger woman and calm her, Xena turned her attention to unlacing her greaves. The calm tenor of her voice belied the emotions that churned within. "Once or twice. Is there something that you want now? Do you want to return home?"

Panic bloomed in Gabrielle's chest. She squeaked, "Home? No! Un... unless you want me to. You don't, do you? I thought — I thought you liked having me with you."

"I do," Xena reassured her. "but I wouldn't want to keep you, if you didn't want to be here."

Gabrielle gulped some more wine, trying to find courage. Her shaking hands caused her to spill a few drops on her skirt. "I want to be here. You have to believe me. I want to, to be with you."

The warrior princess closed her eyes, bending her head, so that her dark hair fell down and obscured her expression. She did not say a word. Her chest constricted as she fought against hope.

"You see, that's the thing." Gabrielle snuffled and rubbed at her eyes with the back of one hand. "Gods. I'm supposed to be a bard — good with words. Why can't I find any when I need them?"

"Just start at the beginning. It will come."

"I suppose." Gabrielle took a deep breath and then started. She spoke in a rush, the words tumbling out on top of each other. "Going back home was a mistake. I mean, it wasn't really a mistake because I needed to see Perdicus' mother and father. To let them know that their son had found some happiness; that I wasn't the kind of woman who would just abandon him when he needed me. Only once that was over, I didn't have anything to say to anyone. Not to my mother or my sisters, not to my old friends or anybody in the town. I could weave stories of our travels and of the gods, but that was it. It was as if were from different worlds. They talked about fabric and fashion, babies and husbands, shopping and parties. I wasn't very interested in that kind of thing when I lived at home, and now it just bores me."

Gabrielle paused to blow her nose, and then started again before she lost her nerve. "The last week I almost lost my mind. I was beginning to think that you would never come back for me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't expect it to take so long to get the money from King Midas."

"I know. It's not your fault. You didn't say exactly when you would be back. The town was just so, so boring. There was nothing to do all day. They didn't have a bard or even a storyteller. At least that would have given me someone to talk to. To make it worse, the men wouldn't let me practice with them. They just kept saying, 'it's not seemly.' " Gabrielle snorted. "More likely they were worried about being beaten by a woman."

"Men do hate that, don't they?" Xena quirked one eyebrow, wishing Gabrielle would just get to the point.

"That didn't stop them from crowding around every night when I told stories, jostling and elbowing each other to get closer. All they wanted were tales of heroes and gods, of battles and quests, of Hercules and Xena — the same ones, over and over again. What made it worse was that they didn't really want to know you. They wanted legends, not stories about living, breathing mortals trying to make a better world. After a couple of weeks of that I felt ... I missed you. I didn't know it was possible, you know, to be so alone in the middle of a crowd."

"It is." Xena spoke too quietly for Gabrielle to hear.

"There was no-one to talk to about the things that mattered to me. So, I started to think about things, all day and all night, when I was with other people and when I was by myself." Gabrielle put the empty winebag to her mouth and then discarded it when nothing came out. She continued, her face burning red with embarrassment, speaking faster and faster, as if speed would prevent Xena from interrupting. "The day before you arrived, I met two women, Menaeda and Iliadne. They were just passing through town on their way home. A wheel on their cart had come loose, so they were biding time, sitting near the well, eating lunch. Iliadne helped me draw water. The rope got caught — or maybe it was the bucket — and I couldn't get the water up. Afterwards, we talked. Not about anything in particular at first, mostly about ourselves and what we did, and that kind of thing. They own a farm near Sparta. It's hard work but they do it together, and they were happy ... together."

Silence descended once again, broken by the crackling of the fire and the song of a night bird in a nearby tree. Gabrielle bit her lip and blurted out, "That's what I want."

"To live on a farm?" Xena was deliberately obtuse. She stilled the trembling that threatened to reveal her nervousness.

"No."

The small, scared sound cut through Xena's emotional armour. She turned and gathered Gabrielle in her arms, holding her gently. "To be together?"

"Yes." Ignoring the way Xena's breastplate pressed into her face, Gabrielle squirmed until her arms were around the warrior. The position was uncomfortable, but it felt so good.

Xena briefly tightened her hold around the younger woman, then released her. She moved until they faced each other. One hand softly traced the red mark on Gabrielle's cheek. Xena stared into her friend's eyes, searching for truth. "Are you sure? I wouldn't want to ..."

"I'm sure." Confidence reasserted itself when Gabrielle realised that they both felt the same way. Hesitantly she leaned forward and pressed her lips on Xena's mouth. The tiny, butterfly kiss kindled the suppressed desire in the other woman. Blindly, Xena reached out and placed a hand behind Gabrielle's neck. The kiss deepened, lengthened.

Both women were beyond the need for words. Without taking their eyes from each other, they undressed, leaving their clothes and armour in a heap. Lying side by side on Xena's bedroll, arms around each other, legs entwined, they kissed. Lips, tongues, and bodies tangling.

Xena freed one arm, and caressed Gabrielle wherever she could reach with a calloused palm. The rough sensation against soft skin sent shivers through the younger woman, and she began to imitate the movement.

Uncertainly at first, then more confidently as she felt the warrior react, Gabrielle's fingertips skimmed across Xena's back — up and down, round and round, raising bumps on the skin.

When desire threatened to overwhelm patience, Xena rolled over forcing Gabrielle onto her back. She knelt, the weight of one leg against the join at the top of the bard's legs, placing one last kiss on her mouth, then moving slowly along her jaw to her neck. Her lips traced a fiery path downwards, pausing to suckle her nipples, first one then the other.

Gabrielle moaned and arched her back instinctively as heat raced through her body. One arm balanced her against the ground. The other hand grasped at the back of Xena's head, holding her mouth against her breast.

Shrugging off the grip, Xena continued to explore with her lips, tongue and hands. Each time her touch caused Gabrielle to cry out or the bard's muscles to twitch helplessly in response, the warrior would stop and tease that spot again and again. Eventually, when the skin of her leg was slick and wet, Xena slid down. She parted the hair at the base of Gabrielle's pelvis, exposing the folds of skin. Her tongue flicked out — licked once.

The reaction was immediate and intense. Gabrielle's eyes closed. Her hips jerked upwards. Her hands reached blindly, fingers digging into the fabric of the bedroll. The ache within spread throughout her body.

Carefully, Xena inserted a finger inside Gabrielle's vagina, moving it slightly inside and out and then leaving it there. Her tongue once again sought the nub hidden in the curls, teasing, swirling, sucking.

Moaning, Gabrielle raised her hips, thrusting rhythmically against Xena's tongue and the finger that lay within. Pleasure built higher and higher. Then, when she was sure she couldn't bear the sensation any longer, ecstasy exploded through her body.

Xena slid upwards until she lay next to Gabrielle. Desire throbbed within her, but she pushed it aside, not knowing how to express her need, unable to lower her guard enough to let the younger woman in.

Moments later, Gabrielle stirred. Nervous, unsure, but wanting to give Xena the same satisfaction, she reached down hesitantly and slipped her hand between Xena's legs. With no previous experience to rely on, she repeated her lover's actions, kissing neck, breasts, stomach, thighs. Gabrielle's breath caught in her throat as Xena's legs parted. Those incredibly long legs that had filled her dreams for months. Amazingly, the reality was more than a match for her fantasies. Spreading open the petals of skin, revealing the clitoris, Gabrielle rubbed it gently with her thumb; Xena's hips vibrated in response.

Throwing caution aside with a conscious effort, Xena allowed herself to relax. Soon all but one small corner of her mind was focussed on the sensations aroused by Gabrielle.

Encouraged, Gabrielle leaned forward, replacing her thumb with her tongue. Slowly at first, then faster and faster, her tongue flickered in and out, round and around.

Xena surrendered to the rapture, revelling in the waves that crashed up and down her body. Hips shuddering, she curved her head backwards and arched as the climax shot through her.

Afterwards, safe in the haven of each other's arms, the two lovers curled up on the bedroll. There were many things to talk about, but there would be time for discussion tomorrow and in the days after that. For now, they simply held each other close until they fell asleep.

_Fin._


End file.
